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5 Ways To F*ck Up and Still Succeed: You Won’t Believe Number 5!

5 Ways To F*ck Up and Still Succeed: You Won’t Believe Number 5!

Well, dearest readerer, it’s been three short months since we opened our little online thrift shop and so far it’s been quite the ride. We’ve sold garments to folk from Canada, Australia, the USA, Sweden, France, Italy, Germany and Grimsby. We’ve been featured in numerous clickbait articles around the web which succeeded only in getting us to click our own ego. And we’ve realised that Christmas truly is a magical time of year. For shops selling Christmas jumpers.

Anyway I could go on all day about what we’ve learnt the last three months, so I will.

1. Sell Your Soul for 20% Off
Black Friday is an abomination of an institution invented by some bored American one day some years ago. It made it’s way over to the UK in 2014 or possibly sooner, we don’t really know and – as you can probably tell – we’re not fact checking any of this. Fights broke out in supermarkets over marked down confectionery. Cars crashed through shop fronts as looters paid half price or less for crap tellies. One old man pulled out his own intestines and wrapped them round his wife to protest at the queues for the local Tesco. We were having none of that, we insisted. And I’m proud to say we stuck to our guns.

Until the day before Black Friday, when the thought of all those extra customers tempted by the rotten carrot of capitalism became too much to bear. But guess what? We had double the amount of website visitors that weekend, a trend that has carried on until this very day. Some people did cool stuff like removing their online shop, or asking people to pay money for nowt. Good for them but we’re new and need to build something here. Jesus, get off our backs.

2. It Can Be Nice To Be Nice…
We’re selling clothes, not houses. But we decided on day one that we wanted our visitors to come back because they absolutely f*cking love us, and we knew we needed to provide amazing customer service to achieve this. Some of the above-and-beyond service we have provided our lovely customers includes personally hand-delivering a tee order in time for a special event, taking one customer’s gran out for afternoon tea in a local supermarket and personally ensuring anybody posting Star Wars spoilers online was taken outside to have their kneecaps shot off.

3. Stealers Gonna Steal
What can you do when a MASSIVE online retailer straight-up steals your best-selling Christmas jumper design? Steal their customers, that’s what. At first we were miffed that this nest of snakes decided to jump on a bandwagon which we may not have started, but we certainly contributed to the maintenance of the wheels. Anyway, what they didn’t think of was that when a website offers a product for sale, it’s a good idea to have it in stock. They didn’t, we did – and a quick Twitter search meant we could hijack their potential sales, the absolute swines.

4. Don’t Drink and Discount
Nobody told us to switch off. When customers are emailing at 10pm we reply. When customers reply at 10pm and we’re not at a computer we reply. When customers are emailing at 10pm and we’re not at a computer and we’re drunk we reply. We gave a guy a £20 discount rather than a 20% discount under just such circumstances, and in the cold light of day couldn’t bring ourselves to refund his order. The jammy sod.

5. When Writing a Blog – Don’t Overshoot
There is no fifth point to this blog. Go back and re-read the first four, then celebrate with a cocktail and some crisps.

So there you go, the story so far. Now it’s 2016 and we’ve a shitload of new ideas in the pipeline, and for the duration of this crummy first month we’re giving you all 10% off everything in the shop. Go, abuse the discount. You’ve earnt it.

Size Guide

Jumpers

Size Chest Length
S 36in 69in
M 40in 72in
L 44in 75in
XL 48in 78in
XXL 52in 81in

T-Shirts

Size Chest Length
S 19.75in / 50cm 26.75in / 68cm
M 21in / 53cm 27.5in / 70cm
L 22in / 56cm 28.25in / 72cm
XL 23.5in / 60cm 29.25in / 74cm
XXL 25.25in / 64cm 30in / 76cm
3XL 26.75in / 68cm 30.75in / 78cm